Transitions and Change: How do I make them easier?
Do you ever feel like life is constantly changing? Like you are constantly transitioning from one task to another? Or one life challenge to another? Of one new opportunity to another? If you answered yes to any of these questions, good news, your life is a normal human experience! Then why can they be so hard sometimes? Because transitions are hard. But, there are ways to make transitions a little less challenging.
As adults, struggling with transitions may be harder to recognize than with children. When thinking of a child who struggles with transitions we will often see kids have big emotions and behaviors. Kids may show sadness, tears, anger, yelling, tantrums, fear, hiding, isolating, and distracting. When we think of these feelings and behaviors for children, they can be translated to adults as well. As adults, we share all the same feelings as kiddos and our behaviors may look similar. For example, have you or someone you know thrown an adult tantrum? Adult tantrums can be verbal, physical, or both. They can be yelling, throwing things, crying, ignoring, manipulating, or having uncontrollable emotions. Sounds similar to kids, right?
So how do you make transitions easier? Let's break it down. Transitions are a process of change. Sometimes the change is known to come, sometimes they come unexpectedly. Transitions happen all the time. They can be small such as having to add another task at work or a plan being canceled and needing to reevaluate what you are going to do with your time. Big transitions can be a losing/new job, moving, a death, a divorce, aging, becoming ill or disabled, graduating, retiring, Although many of these transitions can be expected, they can unexpectedly hit us, such as aging. Aging is inevitable, as it happens, existential moments can occur. Asking yourself, what have I accomplished? How long do I have to live? What is the meaning of life? How is life going so fast? So let's talk about how to make transitions easier.
Preparing for transitions:
Create a consistent routine
Have a visual of your routine such as a calendar, planner, or list
Reframe your thoughts to view stress as a challenge, rather than a threat
Remember times that you have gone through transitions and overcome challenges
Utilize your support system, you don't have to go at change alone
Take care of yourself
Sleep, drink water, eat a well balanced diet, move your body, get outside, make time for things you enjoy
These same concepts of preparation for adults are the same for kids PLUS:
Utilize a transition object
stuffed animal, favorite book, a picture, or anything special
Make sure they are hearing you
Have them make eye contact and verbally respond or recite of what you said
Validate their emotions
When they express sad, scared, or mad, tell them that it is okay to have the feelings
Set the boundary that the transition is still occurring
Praise them for smooth transitions
Thank them, tell them you noticed how well they transitioned, remind them they can do it
Praise them as behaviors to transitions decrease
Going from a 5 minute tantrum to a 3 minute tantrum during transitions is huge, praise them by bringing awareness how they took less time to transition
Give consequences
Give them responsibilities to create autonomy in their transitions
Let them get dressed by themselves, choose a transition object, or choose the music they want to listen to on the drive
Join them when they are becoming overwhelmed
Help them with the task at hand
Give choices
Do you want to wear your boots or your tennis shoes? Do you want your stuffy or your book today? Do you want cereal or yogurt?
My biggest recommendation, is implement all the skills you would knowing a transition is going to occur AND validate the emotions that come with the change! Change can bring a wave of emotions. When change occurs, the grief process often follows. Grief is not a linear process, it is ever changing. Grief involves: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Change can also be exciting and joyous. No matter the feelings that arise, hold some space for them.
Identify your emotions
Sad, mad, scared, excited, joyful, disgusted, frustrated, overwhelmed, etc.
Feel your emotions
Tap into your body, where are you feeling the emotion? Scared may be a gut feeling, racing thoughts or heart, and high energy
Allow them to come and go
Emotions are like a wave, the tide will roll in and roll out, just like your emotions
Regulate them through skills that ground you
walk, meditate, yoga, water, anything that brings you back to the present moment and calms your mind and body
TRANSITIONS ARE HARD. AND. YOU CAN DO IT! You have had transitions and changes in your life since the moment you were born. You have proven time and time again that you can get through it. I encourage you to implement the skills we discussed to help make them a bit easier. Change can be out of our control or feel like we have no control, even when we do. You can control you and how you go about change. You have the power.
