Low self-esteem can be particularly hard for young people, especially when they’re doing things like starting high school or work, and forming new friendships and relationships. Not only does low self-esteem impact confidence and motivation, but also psychological well-being, performance at school, and relationships with friends and family. There is evidence that developing healthy habits related to self-esteem will also strengthen the parent-teen relationship.

Re-orienting your child’s self image

When, as a parent, you hear your teen express thoughts like, “I’m so dumb” or “why can’t I look like that,” there are multiple approaches that you can take. These remarks from your teen, whether they are a component of a larger challenge with self-esteem or limited to off handed remarks, it is helpful to guide your child towards shifting their perspective. Instead of praising the end goal or achievement, we recommend that parents direct their attention towards the experiential process– the hard work, effort and process towards results– and help their teen notice the road to their achievement. This looks like drawing attention to their abilities by saying “look at what you just did” in an exciting, encouraging tone, and supporting them in recognizing the triumphs, big or small, in their daily life. It could also look like supporting reflection on the learning process that results from a challenge or loss.

Reframing body image critiques

One of the most common complaints among teens with low self-esteem is related to body image or performance. An important topic to touch on in these conversations is body diversity as well as development differences that have an impact on teen bodies. Ask your teen what norms they hold to be true for body image. You may hear anything from “straight hair” to “big muscles” and, with these responses, you can help your teen understand how norms can be both harmful and unrealistic. If your teen has athletic concerns, it can be helpful to go over some examples of what an athlete looks like and what non-athletes look like, and point out key differences. A focus here should be words like “strength, health and ability”, rather than “bulky, skinny”, or other related words with potentially negative connotations.

When to seek additional support

• When thoughts surrounding self-esteem occupy more than an hour per day or become a source of distress

• When compulsive actions are taken to suppress the thoughts

• The attribute(s) in focus are not noticeable to others

• Repetitive mirror checking or seeking reassurance

• Excessive skin picking or hair pulling

What we offer

At Flourish Psychology LLC we have providers that specifically specialize in addressing anxiety and obsessive compulsive challenges in teens. We also offer a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Group that help equip teens with the skills to manage their anxiety. CBT continues to be the gold-standard treatment for anxiety. As opposed to individual therapy, our groups offer unique perspectives and support from other families that promote connectedness and increase motivation for treatment.

The first four weeks of the group are spent building skills, including feeling identification, emotion regulation, relaxation strategies, social skill building, thinking realistically, and problem-solving. The last four weeks are spent practicing these skills as they relate to your child's specific needs through Exposure and Response Prevention.

Visit our website to find out more about our Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Group or get support in screening for anxiety-related disorders.