Isolation. Loneliness. Depression. Anxiety. All big feelings that may indicate you are lacking connection with yourself and others. Connection is a bond or link to someone or something. The purpose of connecting is to have a deeper relationship. Connection is a natural drive as humans. We want to feel a part of a community, a sense of belonging. In order to build connections with others, you must first be connected with yourself. 

How do you connect with yourself?

Think about your being as a whole. Body. Feelings. Thoughts.

• Tune into your body. Your body gives you all the clues of what you are feeling and need. Do you have a pit in your stomach? Does your body feel heavy? Is your heart racing? Do you have butterflies in your stomach?  

• Identify your feelings. Connect your body's clues to your feelings. Pit in stomach, scared. Heavy body, sad. Racing heart, anxious. Butterflies in your stomach, excited. 

• Name your feelings. In your inner or outer dialogue, say "I am sad, mad, scared, happy or excited"

• Connect with your thoughts. Listen to your thoughts and emotions. Determine if you need to regulate in a way that makes you feel better. Move your body, drink some water, take some deep breaths, read a book, call a friend, whatever feels best for you. 

• Allow your thoughts and feelings to come and go. Our feelings are valid. Our thoughts serve a purpose. Both thoughts and feelings are just information. Don't allow them to take over. If they start to, find ways to regulate. 

What are ways to build connections with others?

• Take care of yourself. By giving to yourself, you can then fully give to others. Utilize self-care, prioritize, and utilize coping skills. If you need to reach out to a friend, it is a great time to connect for support. As your genuine connections will have give and take of supporting one another. 

• See, hear, value, and validate the person you are connecting with. Pay attention to them. 

• Comfort or problem solving? When someone reaches out to confide in you, comfort them and then determine if they would like help problem solving. Many people just want to be seen and heard. Have a safe place to express themselves, without judgement and having someone fix things. 

• Set and respect boundaries. Boundaries are a line of what you accept and do not accept in your relationships. Example: I am not willing to gossip. I would like to change the conversation. Repeat your boundaries if they are not respected. If they are continuously not respected, determine what your line is. Example: If you continue to gossip I am going to have to leave. 

• Be yourself! Authenticity is one of the most important ways to have true and genuine connections. You should be accepted for you, and you should feel mutual in return. You are enough and worthy of connection and love. 

How to teach children connection?

Model, model, model! Kids are always watching and listening. When you are modeling connection with others, they are learning. When you connect with your child, they are understanding and filtering what healthy and unhealthy connection feels like. Connect with your child: 

• Play with them. Get on their level. Take interest in their interests. Find common ground that you can bond with your child over. 

• Set boundaries. Allow them to set boundaries. And respect their boundaries. Boundaries create empowerment, respect, and authenticity. 

• Listen. See. Hear. Validate them. Especially their feelings! Show them that they are important and what they have to say matters. Most importantly, be present. Give them your undivided attention when they are looking for you as a place of safety. 

• Help them identify their feelings. Name the feelings to help them learn to name their own feelings. Example: "You seem scared. I wonder where you feel scared in your body? I wonder what is making you feel scared?"

• Show them love. Hug them. Compliment them. Acknowledge their qualities. Love them for them. Let them know they are good enough. 

• Check in with your child. Ask questions and talk about their day. Show interest and help them sort through their experiences. Dinner is a great time for your family to connect. Ask highs and lows of the day, ask times they felt various emotions throughout the day, ask them who they felt most connected to today and why. 

Try enhancing your connections each day. To yourself, to your child, and to those you love. You deserve it!